


I Will Always Return

by bringmesomepie



Series: In the Spirit of Song [27]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: AWOL, Bryan Adams, Crying Castiel (Supernatural), Crying Dean Winchester, Depressed Castiel (Supernatural), F/M, Fluff and Angst, Gen, I Will Always Return, M/M, MIA - Freeform, Military Dean Winchester, Sad Castiel (Supernatural), Songfic, Spirit Movie, Student Castiel (Supernatural), Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-30
Updated: 2020-03-30
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:08:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23400616
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bringmesomepie/pseuds/bringmesomepie
Summary: 'I'll run like the river, I'll follow the sun, I'll fly like an eagle to where i belong' ~ I Will Always Return by Bryan Adams from Spirit Stallion of the Cimarron
Relationships: Castiel & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester, Jessica Moore/Sam Winchester
Series: In the Spirit of Song [27]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/62573
Kudos: 18





	I Will Always Return

They stood in the airport holding each other tight. One wouldn’t let go for his life. He wasn’t gonna let his love leave. Tears built up and spilled down his face and absorbed into his lover’s uniform. He sniffed and buried his face into his husband’s neck.

The man pulled back from his crying lover. “Don’t cry, we promised we wouldn’t. If you cry then I’ll cry and I can’t do that, not now.”

“You can’t leave. Please, stay with me where you are safe.”

“Cas, you know I can’t do that. I’ll be back in no time. We will still email and skype. It will be like I was never gone.”

The Novak wiped his eyes. “Be careful, Dean. I need you to come home alive. I don’t wanna have to identify you in a body bag. Promise me.”

“I promise.” Dean nodded. “I have to get on the plane before it leaves.”

The Novak placed a kiss to Dean’s lips. They both didn’t want to stop the kiss. _‘This is the last call for flight 582 to California’_

Cas pulled away with a frown. He squeezed Dean’s hands tighter. “Please…Dean.”

“I’m sorry, Cas. I love you.” Dean leaned forward, slipped his hands out of Cas’s grasp. He cupped his lover’s face and kissed him gently on the forehead. He stepped backward and turned away from Cas and handed the ticket to the lady waiting outside of the door to the plane. She handed him back the ticket. Dean glanced back at Cas once last time to find his husband biting his nail with tear rolling down his face.

Sam walked over to his brother in law. “It’s ok, Cas. I’ll take you home.”

_*** &^%$%^&*()*&^%$^&*()_** _

The house was empty and quiet. Cas stood in the middle of his living room just staring. Sam had left hours ago and Cas didn’t know what to do. Dean was his life; his other half. He knew from the start of the relationship Dean was gonna be deployed at some point. The Winchester was 23 and had been wanting to go into the Marine’s since 9th grade. Cas was still in school for many more years. Medical School. That’s how he would keep his mind off things.

If he wasn’t studying he was sleeping or eating. Charlie, Sam and Jess were over spending time with him. It had been a month since Dean left and Cas had not spoken to, gotten any emails, or webcamed with his lover. Cas was running on fumes.

“Cas, you need sleep. You can only study for so much.” Charlie frowned. “Dean is fine. He’s living his dream just like you are trying to earn your dream job.”

The Novak nodded and shut his text book. “It’s just hard because just last year me and Dean got married. We’re still newlyweds and he left me for God knows how long.”

“He said he was assigned for 10 months. That’s less than a year.”

Cas sat down on the couch beside his best friend and brother in law and Sam’s girlfriend. He closed his eyes and listened to their voices, but all of a sudden he woke up from sleep laying in his bed in pitch black darkness. He looked at the clock and it was 8 hours since he last looked at the clock. He tried to figure out what woke up him to find his laptop open and on. He was getting a call on skype. His eyebrows shot up into his hairline. He dashed over and accepted the call. The Novak turned on the desk top lamp. Dean face popped up on his screen. Cas inhaled. “Hey.”

 _“Is it late? I’m sorry.”_ Dean spoke with a smile.

“Yeah, about 3 am. I was awake, it’s ok. It’s good to see you. It’s been so long.” Cas could feel tears in his eyes.

_“I told you that I would try to contact you as much as possible, but I told you that it might be a while in between.” Dean frowned. “I see those tears, Cas, stop that. I’m ok, really.”_

“After this deployment don’t do this again. Work at the Marine intelligence Center so something. Be a Marine mechanic or something.”

_Dean kept frowning. “We talked about this, Cas. I’m gonna do multiple tours. I wanna be here. I’m a soldier…that’s who I am.”_

Cas blinked and furrowed his brows. “I almost forgot. John brainwashed to you believe that this is all your good for. You still believe that, don’t you?” Dean was silent. “Isn’t it, Dean? Tell me.”

The Winchester didn’t look at the screen. _“That’s not the only reason, Cas.”_ Dean almost whispered.

“John is a drunk asshole, why do you still look up to him?”

_“I don’t wanna talk about that, Cas. Not now. I’m about to go on my first big mission. This was the only time I talk to you before I left. I’m not gonna be able to contact you for a while. I wanted to see you before I left. My team is leaving in an hour.” Dean was the one to have tears in his eyes. “I love you, Cas. I have to go.”_

The Winchester didn’t wait for Cas to respond before he disconnected the video feed. Cas just stared at the blank screen in horror. He had one chance to just talk with his husband and he wasted it. Tears ran down his face as he started to hyperventilate. He paced the bedroom and grabbed his phone. He scrolled frantically through his contacts and just clicked one and brought it to his ear. _“Hello? Cas?”_

Cas couldn’t catch his breath. He glance at his phone. He had called Ellen. “Elle—I-I…fuck…I-I…help.”

_“Give me 20 minutes, Hon. I’ll be right over. Take slow deep breaths. I’ll talk to you the whole ride to your house.” Ellen stayed calm. “Jo graduates high school in two months. Do you agree with me that she should go to college and not just work at the Roadhouse full time? I mean she got in Kansas University and made straight A’s in high school.”_

The Novak smiled at Ellen’s words. He understood why Dean considered her a second mother after Mary passed away. It took a few minutes of Ellen talking some more before Cas could breathe normally again. “Are you getting close, Ellen?”

_“Almost. Can you start to tell me what happened that you got all upset over?”_

“I really fucked up, Ellen. Dean finally skyped me a few minutes ago. It started out great, but then I got mad because Dean wants to do more than one tour because he still believes that he is only good for being a Marine.” Cas had to take a breath. “I got really mad at him, only to find out that Dean is going on this mission and won’t be able to contact me for a long while.”

_“He doesn’t hate you, I hope you know that, Castiel.” Ellen said matter of factly. “He knows that he’s more than just a soldier. It just so happen that he actually wanted to be a Marine. He’s gonna be just fine. When you talk to him again you’ll apologize and everything will be ok.”_

Ellen got to the house five minutes later and they just talked until Cas fell back asleep. He missed class the next day.

_**(* &^%$#%^&*(&^%$^&*()** _

16 Weeks…he didn’t get any contact from anybody about Dean for four month. The Novak was on edge and locked himself in his house unless he was at school. He didn’t shave and only ate enough to survive.

He checked the skype status and his email multiple times a days. It was middle of the afternoon when there was an email.

_Castiel Novak,_

_My name is Benny Lafitte. I am in your husband, Dean Winchester’s, team. I’m emailin you to let you know that we have lost communication with Dean. All we know is that he is in poor condition. We are doing all we can to find him and bring him back alive. I am here to keep you updated the instance we know anything. Sorry to give you this information._  
  
~Benny Lafitte

Cas couldn’t breathe. His lungs were in his throat. Dean could be dead. He shook his head in disbelief. His husband was strong and could die. The Winchester was indestructible. The Novak lost his place in space and time. He about jumped out of his skin when Sam placed a hand on his shoulder. “Cas? Are you alright? You weren’t answering your phone or the door.”

“Uhh…I-I got an email from one of Dean’s team members.” Cas mumbled.

Sam looked at the screen and frowned. He stayed silent and straightened up. He cleared his throat and gave himself a moment. “Dean is fine. He’s always fine.”

“They wouldn’t have sent this to me if it wasn’t important, Sam. If you need a moment, that’s. fine. I might be Dean’s husband, but you’re his brother and he basically raised you—so I’ll go…”

“You know…Cas, shut up. You’re not the only one suffering, so stop making it that no one knows what you are going through.” Sam spoke angrily and stormed out of the house.

_*** &^%$%^&*&^%$#%^&*()** _

Cas checked his email every hour to make sure he gets the email that Dean is found, dead or alive. Sam had stopped talking to Cas. Cas had to speak through Jess to get anything from the young Winchester. Sam might be intelligent book wise, but he was still in young graduate in his first year of college. Castiel couldn’t say much, since he was only 23 and still in college himself, but he has lived on his own for a while and won scholarships to pay his way through college and medical school.

He could only blame himself for Sam’s anger. Cas was being selfish and never gave Sam’s emotion any thought. He spaced off during his elective class of art appreciation. He blinked and everyone in the class were getting up. He stood and collected his things. He was heading toward the door when… “Castiel, can I speak with you for a moment?” Mrs. Amara Shurley smiled.

“Hey M’am.” Cas frowned and stepped over to her. “Is there something wrong?”

“Actually there is.” She sat on the corner of her desk. “I have noticed for the past month that your focus as slow slipped. Normally you are constantly jotting notes down and paying attention. Your test scores are perfect, but they are slowly slipping. I don’t want your grades to suffer. Are you ok?”

The Novak cleared his throat. “Uhmm, I’m having a hard time right now. My—my husband was deployed 6 months ago. He went on a dangerous mission…he’s MIA and in bad condition. That was a month and a half ago.” Cas was doing his damnedest to hold back his tears. “I’ve been waiting to receive an email saying they found him, even if it is to tell me he’s dead or alive.”

Mrs. Shurley nodded. She reached over and squeezed Cas’s bicep. “Your husband is alive. I can feel it.”

“How do you know that? You don’t even know him.” Cas frowned.

“You care about him a lot, don’t you? I can feel that.” She smiled. “You should probably talk to someone going through what you are going through as well. Does your husband have any siblings or parents you can talk to?”

“His father is a drunk and his brother is mad at me.”

“Apologize to your brother in law.”

Cas rolled his eyes. “It’s not that easy, but thanks.”

“Just go for it, Castiel. It will be ok. I want you to be able to focus on your studies again.”

The Novak nodded and walked to his car and drove halfway home when he whipped around and drive to Sam’s dorm room. He climbed the stairs and knocked on the correct door. A tall blonde man answered. “Yes?”

“Hi, Is Sam here?”

“Yeah, come in.” Cas stepped in to find Sam at the kitchen table studying. “Sam, you gotta visitor.”

The Winchester looked up connected eyes with Cas and looked back at his notes. “I’m busy.”

“Your studying can wait.” Cas sat down across from his brother in law.

“I’ll let y’all talk in private.” The man walked out of the dorm.

Sam looked up at Cas with a serious face. “What do you want? Have you gotten an email about Dean?”

“No, I wanted to apologize for the way I have acted about Dean’s whole deployment. I can’t imagine what you are going through. I just know that it’s been hard for me.” Cas frowned. “I need someone to talk to and so do you. We need to get through this together.”

“Thanks. Yeah Dean being gone has been extremely hard for me. Dean is all I have other than my drunken poor excuse for a father. Honestly, you were doing nothing wrong. You’re Dean’s husband and he’s the love of your life. You were just distraught that Dean was in danger. Sadness was your go to emotion. Mine was anger.”

Cas nodded. “I’m sorry.”

“Let me know if you get any information about Dean.” Sam’s expression softened.

“I can check my email now.”

Sam shook his head. “I can’t think about that right now. I have a big test tomorrow. Go home and rest.”

_***( &^%$%^&*()*&^%$^&*()_** _

Dean had been missing for three months when Cas got an email one Saturday morning. Cas had just woken up and was waiting for his coffee to brew. He saw the email and instantly woke up. He couldn’t open it. He was shaking in dread. What if they found Dean way past dead? He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, then clicked on the message.

_Castiel,_

_We have found Dean. A small village spotted him unconscious and barely breathing. He is still in pretty bad condition, but he is in good hands now. This is good news. I will keep you updated.”_

_~ Benny Lafitte_

This was the best news he had ever received. He pulled out his cell and typed to words to Sam. _‘He’s Alive.’_

He curled up in his bed and went back to sleep. All of his stress and worrying wore him slam out. He would finally relax and focus on school again. Dean was coming home soon.

Two months past and Dean should have been home a month ago. The college was closed two the next two day so that gave Cas the time to study and catch up on his reading and old hobbies, but that was all pushed aside when he got a skype call. He immediately accepted and Dean’s beat up face popped up on the screen. The Novak had never been so relieved to see he husband beat up. “Dean…”

_“Hey, Cas…” Dean spoke softly. “I have missed you.”_

“It’s so good to see you, Love. I’m so sorry about what I said before. I want you home and safe.” Cas let tears freely flow down his cheeks. “I was so worried about you.”

_“I know. I thought I was a goner. I’m glad to see your face. You had a right to say those things. It was partially John’s fault for this, but I love being a Marine. It’s more than just following orders like a soldier. I have something to tell you.”_

“What is it? Are you coming home soon?” Cas beamed.

_“No, I’m not going to be home for a while. I’m going on another mission. I’m going to be double the amount of time I was gone the first time if that screw up hadn’t happened.” Dean frowned._

Cas straightened up and furrowed his brow. “No. No, you can’t go on another mission. Not after what happened, Dean. You’re crazy. You still look bad.”

_“This isn’t from the mission. This was from breaking up a fight on base camp, plus a few scars from the mission. Cas, I have to do this. I’m helping my country.”_

“Dean, you were supposed to only be gone for 10 months. Why are you doing this?” Tears of distraught were running down his face. “Please, don’t, Dean.”

_The Winchester looked down away from the screen. “I’m sorry, Cas. I love you.”_

“No, Dean, we need to talk about this. How long will you be gone? When are you going to come home? Dean—“

_Dean just looked at the screen with tears in his eyes. “I wish I could give you answer, Cas. I just can’t right now. I love you, Cas.”_

Cas shook his head. “I need you home. I miss you, Dean.”

_“I love you, Cas.” Dean repeated. “Please, say it back. I need your support with me. I miss you more than you know. I want to be with you, but I’m fighting for our country. I’m fulfilling my dreams and loving every second. I don’t want you mad at me for doing what I love. I won’t be able to talk to you for a long time. I need to know that you are here waiting for me.” Now, Dean was basically sobbing, uncaring about the soldier he was with could see and hear him._

“How long is a long time? I need a time. I can’t count forever, but I can count months, even years.” Cas wiped his eyes and sniffed.

_“I don’t know, Cas…this isn’t a normal mission. I’m going undercover for God knows how long.” Dean locked up his emotions in an instant. “I’ve already said too much. I have to go, Cas. Please, I love you.”_

Cas doesn’t answer. He just covers his face with his hands. He heard Dean disconnect the call and log off skype. A long, hard sob left Cas’s lips. He fell out of his chair and onto the floor and just sobbed. He couldn’t say it. He loved Dean more than anything in the world, but he couldn’t say it like he could so effortlessly every other times. He heard his bedroom door open and felt some nudge him, but he could register anything. The person pulled Cas into sitting position against the bed. He pulled Cas’s hands away from his face. It was Sam with tear stained cheeks. The younger Winchester slapped the Novak across the face with full force. “Lock it up, Novak.”

“I fucked…I fucked up, Sam.”

“Yeah, Dean skyped me too. He told me you in shock and was stunned and couldn’t say ‘I love you’. You do love him, right?”

“Of course I do! What kind of question is that?” Cas blurted out.

“Then why couldn’t you say it to his face?” Sam yelled.

“I don’t know! I just couldn’t speak!”

“Then you just better hope that Dean comes home safe.” Sam frowned.

_*** &^%$#%^&*(&^%$%^&*()** _

_**Two Years Pass…** _

Cas got home late. He was half way through his first year as a medical intern and he pulled long nights and longer days. He had just gotten off a 48 hour shift. He started his normal routine he did every night. Before he even thought about changing out of his scrubs, he pulled out his laptop and directed himself to his email and clicked on skype. Every day the status stayed the same _D-man79: Offline_ and his email would be void of any emails from his husband.

The Novak stayed faithful even though he wasn’t sure Dean was going to return to him even if the Winchester comes home from war. Tonight was different than any other. When he checked his skype he saw that Dean was _Online_. He heart was in his throat and tears bubbled in his eyes. He clicked on his husbands name and clicked the call button. He rang a couple times then he was met with the connecting signal. Cas smiled. Dean accepted. A single tear rolled down Cas’s cheek when Dean’s worn face popped up on his screen. Cas covered his mouth and outwardly sobbed. Dean’s eyes were glistening, but he was smiling. “You’re…Alive.”

Dean nodded and wiped his eye. “I am.” Cas chuckled softly. “Cas, I’ve been scared for the past 24 months that you left me while I was here. I had my curser on the call button for five minutes before you called. After what happened before I left I thought I lost you forever.”

“I will never leave you. I promised. I love you, Dean. I love you so much. I was so upset and panic that the words wouldn’t come out. I don’t care what you are doing as long as you don’t end up dead.” Cas wiped his eyes, but more tears flowed.

“I’m guessing you had a long day?”

“I’m a medical intern…just got home from a 48 hour shift, I was exhausted until you answered the call, now I felt better than I have in years.” Cas smiled. “It’s been the thing that has kept me from falling into depression, by working me like a horse.”

The Winchester smiled. “It’s good to hear your voice. Have you talked with Sam?”

“I’ve been up to my elbows in work, I barely have time to sleep, eat or shower. I talk to him when I can.” Cas tried to smile. “This is such a bittersweet conversation. We are finally seeing each other again, but you are still on the other side of the world.”

“Cas, I love defending my country, I hear the wind call my name, but the sound leads me home again. It sparks up a fire, a flame that still burns. I know the road is long, but where you are is home. Wherever you stay, I’ll find the way. I’ll run like the river, I’ll follow the sun, I’ll fly like an eagle, to where I belong.” Dean smiled sadly.

“I can’t stand the distance. I can’t dream alone.” Cas frowned. “I can’t wait to see you.”

Dean nodded. “Now I know, it’s true. Every road leads to you and in the hour of darkness…” He paused for a second to collect himself. “Your light gets me through.”

“I’ll never leave you.” Cas hummed.

The Winchester nodded. “I’ve gotta go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Not now, we just started the chat.”

“Bye Cas.” Dean hung up fast.

It left Cas in silence. He was in shock. Dean hung up on him in a haste. He was stunned, he couldn’t move. He couldn’t think. His lungs were in his throat and his heart was pounding in his ears. What had just happened? Then there was a knock on his apartment door that brought him back into reality. He pulled himself to his feet and walked over. He slowly opened the door and gasped. “Dean?!”

“I’ve seen every sunset and with all that I’ve learn…” Dean had tears streaming down his face. “It’s to you I will always…always return…”


End file.
